I had my doctors appointment last week and apparently their scale is broken or their nurse, or they are all just screwy over there because she chastised me for not losing weight when she walked in. I was shocked! Here I was beating myself up because I didn’t lose as MUCH as I wanted to, but knowing I had lost some and hoping she would see that. Well apparently the nurse wrote down my weight wrong the first appointment or something because they had me marked down way lower than I really was, so it actually looked like I had gained weight! How lame is that! Then on top of that they called me that week saying that my blood work came back and that my levels on my CA-125 test were high and that was a sign of ovarian cancer. Excuse me? No….no! NOOOOO….No? No no no no no no no nononononononono!!! Yeah that about describes all the emotions I had for the next hour…until I got another call saying they had mixed up the test results and with a SIMMONS! Are you kidding me? Man oh man I have never felt that many emotions all at once! Is it time for a new doctor? I had such high hopes but these last too experiences have been anything but pleasant. I’m planning on giving it another shot and hoping that it gets better! Honestly life is so crazy sometimes. Oh well time to move on. I guess now all I can do is work even harder so that when I come in for my next appointment I really have lost a ton and I can give my doctor my half middle finger and say what’s up suckas!!!
So Eric graduates this week, how crazy is that? I remember 2 years ago moving here and thinking how far away it felt and how I couldn’t wait until this moment. I remember thinking we just need to make it to graduation and then it will all work out! Well I am ecstatic that we made it to graduation, but I have to tell you everything is certainly not worked out yet haha. We honestly still have no idea what we are doing with our life, but hey we are one step closer right?! We are excited for Eric to start working and to have reached this accomplishment, but I sure hope this summer brings more clarity of the next direction to take!
Eric wanted to send out a little graduation announcement and this is what I made!
Isn’t he a cutie? Oh and he got an A on his big paper and presentation we were all anxious about! I’m so proud! We are still waiting on a few other grades, but hopefully all his finals went well! His parents get here on Friday and I’m so excited! I have been so anxious at work all day because all I want to do is have them here, or be home doing things to get ready to have them here! These darn jobs, always getting in the way!
I had an emotion today that I’m not sure I have ever experienced! I have often felt the feelings of disappointment or anxiousness from eating poorly and gaining weight, or knowing I need to be working out more than I am. These are all feelings that I have battled with on a consistent basis my whole life. It has not been until recently that I have actually found a love for the gym. Who would have thunk it right? Now is that saying I’m dying to go every day, or that I spend three hours there? Absolutely not, but I have found that I enjoy going because I know how much better I feel after. The only problem is now I feel anxiety when I miss going! Yesterday I missed going to the gym and I have been going crazy today! All I have wanted to do is check out of work early so I can head to the gym! I’m amazed by this reaction! I have never experienced this in my life! I feel like the gym has become my saving grace! I am doing really well on my diet, or at least for me I think I am. But I still fail sometimes and I cheat! The gym is something that for the first time in my life has been easy, and it has help to catch me when I fall off the healthy eating wagon for a day! Maybe that’s why I feel so flustered about yesterday! I didn’t eat the best I should have and I didn’t hit the gym, so the double whammy has me slumping a bit today! But it gives me more motivation to hit the gym tonight and work it off! I know the quote is “you can’t out exercise a bad diet” which I agree with to an extent, but it’s certainly my mediator between the two! I can’t guarantee I will always eat right, nor can I say it will be something I can maintain everyday all the time, but I can commit that now that I have a habit of exercising it will always be a habit and it IS something I can maintain and hopefully can make up the difference on those days where the dieting doesn’t come as easy! Even those days I’m busy or tired and I’m only at the gym 30 minutes makes a huge difference. Even if I only walked on the treadmill and didn’t burn a ton of calories, inside I know I made the choice to get up and go and move for even just those 30 minutes, and though it’s not a ton or as hard as I need to be working if I want to see bigger results, it’s still 30 minutes more than what I was doing and it’s 30 minutes of a better choice! Weight loss is just as mental as it is physical and so even if it’s 30 minutes and to someone else that seems like nothing and that it won’t make a difference, to me I know it’s a change and that makes all the difference. My new found love for exercising also puts my mind at ease about the maintenance step of losing weight. I often get terrified of certain diets because I always think great I can do this long enough to lose the weight but what happens after? Will I go back to bad habits? Will I just gain all the weight back? Now I know that my diet will always have to be changed from what it was, but I know that once I get down to a good weight I can go to a less extreme diet if I maintain the working out, and that gives me hope!