Motivational Monday - Fighting Failure

So once upon a time I sucked at being a human....well not even once upon a time, more like everyday!  I absolutely did not meet my challenge for July and that sucks, but oh well you move on right?  Sorry I have been MIA lately, life got kinda crazy and I got way behind!  So in the next several posts I will be filling you in on all the happenings as of late. 

As far as the diet goes, here are some of the recipes and meals I have been trying lately.

Balsalmic Glazed Veggie Steak Rolls over brown rice! YUM!!! This was delicious!  Here is where I got the recipe - http://picturetherecipe.com/index.php/recipes/balsamic-glazed-steak-rolls/
 I adapted it a little to make it healthier, but it was a big winner, especially with Eric!

Mango Salsa Grilled Salmon with fresh pineapple and sauteed asparagus and cherry tomatoes.

With all the summer squash and veggies this time of year I have loved doing a few vegetarian meals!  I know Eric hates it since he a meat guy, but it's an easy way to cut calories while still eating big meals!   Here I just sauteed some yellow squash, tomatoes and zucchini in a sugar free pasta sauce! So easy quick and yummy!

I always thought I hated cherries until I went to my sisters a few weeks ago and had some fresh ones.  Well now I'm hooked and they are a new fruit addition to my diet!  Here I tried this low carp taco soup.  I found the recipe here - http://csrafamilynews.com/2012/11/low-carb-taco-soup/
again I adapted it a little to make it a bit more healthy!  I wasn't as big of a fan, but Eric LOVED it, so maybe it will make an appearance again.

Lemon and salmon skewers over brown rice with watermelon and oven roasted asparagus.
The recipe for the salmon is found here - http://www.skinnytaste.com/2013/06/these-lovely-grilled-salmon-and-lemon.html

For lunches I have been big into just veggie and fruit plates.  I just cut up a few different types of veggies and some fruits and BAM a great healthy lunch!  And it's one I will snack on for awhile at my desk to keep me full!  Here a vendor had brought in Chick Fil A so I caved and had 2 pieces of chicken, but I counted the calories don't worry ;)!

I'm still working out but have had a hard time staying in a routine!  When I stick with it I'm awesome.  Because I get a daily reminder of why I love the gym and why I need to keep going.  That helps to motivate me the next day.  But if I miss a day or two I get completely off schedule and I start to make excuses and convince myself not to go.  One day at a time though and I'm going to keep pushing forward.  I need to learn to balance right now.  My feelings as of late are either horrible pressure to eat right and go to the gym because I'm afraid of failure, and that leads me to stress out about it and shut down under the pressure and not function as a normal human.  Or I have the opposite where I miss a day or eat a bad meal and I get so down on myself I want to quit, or I get so depressed about it I put even more pressure on myself.  I really need to learn to take one day at a time and live my life for me!  

 I'm really disappointed in myself because I didn't lose much weight in time for me to go home to Utah next week.  I think I had this fantasy to just shock and amaze people....and though I will probably shock them, it wont be because I lost weight, it will be because of how big I still am.  This has made me freak out the last two weeks.  Everyday I fight these up and downs to feel so much pressure that I need to be in the gym 3 hours a day and only eat celery sticks and then I have the other part that's telling me "who cares just give up you didn't reach your goal anyways."  I'm trying to figure out how to fight these thoughts and get back to a balance not just physically but emotionally so that I can keep starting over each day and be healthy.  I'm not doing this for anyone else so I need to put those pressures away, and I'm not doing this to be skinny, so those thoughts are not helping either.  I'm doing this to change a lifestyle and be healthy and a lifestyle is something you wake up and do everyday, not something that you do really quick for a few months.  I need to get to a point where if I miss a day at the gym I don't spend the rest of my night beating myself up about it.  But I also need to get to a point that if I miss the gym I don't let it be a pattern, and I get right back on the horse.  

I think I'm mainly down about it because of a comment someone made to me today.  I know she probably didn't mean it, but being the health nut she is, she is more aware of others not at her fitness level.  She basically said "Wow this has been one heck of a long weight loss process to not have lost much weight at all!"  Wow lady what a way to make a gal feel good about herself! 

 I know I need to brush it off my shoulders, but it really hit be hard, and is making me have even more anxiety about visiting Utah and seeing so many people I haven't seen in a while!  Wow why do people make comments like this?  I don't get it!  How did it benefit her, and I know it didn't benefit me!  I don't have one of those personalities where I get more determined to prove you wrong or where it motivates me to work harder.  I have a personality that makes me want to quit and give up and give in to what you are telling me I am.  Why can't we be positive and uplifting as girls and help each other.  Why do we spend our days bringing others down or comparing, when we could spend it lifting other up and being happy with ourselves. 

Well here is to fighting off all the haters and continuing to push forward!  I may be losing weight SLOW but the fact is I'm losing weight and I'm trying!  I will reach my goal no matter what, even if it's not in a timeline that someone else thinks is right for me!  I'm going to live my life for me, and work to be happy and healthy.  That includes emotional and mental health which is just as important as physical!  I'm not working this hard everyday to see a certain number on the scale!  I'm working hard everyday to be a better, happier and healthier version of myself!  That scale may not have dropped as much as I would like, but I can tell a difference in my mood and energy level and I can see results that no one else can see looking at the physical only.